Guest: Sue Lester
Guest Bio: Sue Lester, Head Transition Coach, speaker, adventurer and author of “The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint”. Sue has explored how our internal image of ourselves forms our unconscious blueprint. This unconscious programming can impact on your ability to develop healthy safe relationships, build successful careers, and even to conceive naturally.
Sue is here to talk to us about Unconscious Blueprints & Parental Behaviour.
Health Professional Radio
Katherine Lodge: Thank you for listening to Health Professional Radio. I’m Katherine and today our guest is Sue Lester, Head Transition Coach, speaker, adventurer, and the author of “The Face Within: How to Change Your Unconscious Blueprint.” With over 2,000 client hours and hundreds of case studies, Sue has explored how our internal image of ourselves forms our unconscious blueprint. This unconscious programming can impact on your ability to develop healthy relationships, things like that. And Sue is here to talk to us today about how the unconscious blueprint affects parental behavior. Thank you for joining us Sue.
Sue Lester: My pleasure Katherine.
K: Now before we talk about parental behavior, can you explain to us what is an unconscious blueprint?
S: Okay. It’s your internal image of yourself. So perhaps if you think of your conscious mind as the captain onboard your ship, below deck of your ship of life is your crew or your unconscious mind. Your unconscious blueprint is the map that your crew are reading of.
K: Right, I see. That’s a very good example and we can visualize that now. And how can our parents’ unconscious blueprints of themselves impact adversely on emotional and physical development?
S: It does in a wide variety of ways. But perhaps I could share a case study and that would illustrate it. So during a workshop, I had a participant who saw herself as or she labeled herself as just a disability care.
S: And that was all that’s holding herself back from making that career change that she wanted to, you know, to improve the family financial situation. So that needed to be updated but as part of the workshop, we also do the process were you could go in and have a look an unconscious blueprint of someone else in your life, someone that you were struggling with all, you know there was some sort of antagonism or issues with. And at that point, she burst into tears because she got “Ah, oh goodness!” She suddenly realize that her three year old child who had cerebral palsy and who had been playing and often causing all sorts of grief with his behavior. She realized that she had an unconscious blueprint of him as a three month old baby. And she realized that she’d been treating him like a baby. And even though he’s only three, he knew that he wasn’t a baby, he was a little boy. And so he’s playing up with his way of expressing his frustration and he’s trying to get the message across to her that, “Hang on mom. You know, you’re always treating me like a little boy.”
S: And once she changed her behavior because of course I follow up and check on them. She said, “It was just amazing the shift in him and he started reaching his … which he hasn’t been doing before.” So it made an enormous impact and he was actually able to walk and his speech. He’s able to talk now, which he wasn’t able to do before. So enormous impact there.
K: Right. And you know, we do hear about people wanting to be just like their parents. If they have a positive experience and others who want to raise their family completely the opposite way. And as we get older, maybe some of us feel ourselves becoming more like our father or more like our mother, although some of us resist it, you know with age. (chuckles) So do you have any comments about this parental influences and how they play out and they’re kind of passed on to the next generation?
S: It’s quite and an absolutely … you can catch yourself at, something comes up and you now think of “Oh no, that’s mom.” Or “Oh no, that was dad.” And yeah, your parental blueprint of you has enormous impact on how they treat you and likewise your imprints of your children undergo on how you treat them. And for example, I had a client who had enormous anxiety attacks every time his phone rang because he was sure every time his phone ring there’s something horrible have happen to one of his children.
S: It was just, it was really making him ill and it was making him clingy with his children and they were pushing him away, so he was feeling more and more disconnected, his manage with suffering as well. And when we had a look at his unconscious blueprint, he actually saw of his children of 6 year olds and 10 year olds but in reality they’re actually in their 40’s.
S: So that was what’s impacting on his relationship with them because what 40 year old wants to be treated like a 6 years old? And of course from his perspective, of course you worries if you send your 6 year old out to work in the mine or your 10 year old daughter is living in Melbourne by herself.
K: Right, I understand.
S: Yes. So the tension there, and it was making him physically ill.
K: Right. Can you talk to us, that’s very interesting. Can you talk to us a little bit about why do you think some people get stuck at a certain age, like they see their kids as babies still or toddlers or under you know under teenage years. What is it that, is it about parents that they see their kids even like you said when their kids are you know in their 40’s 50’s 60’s, they still think their helpless?
S: Great question. For that particular client, when his children were on that age, he was off having busy business lunches. So he’d come home drunk while as they gone off to bed. So and of course his marriage disintegrated, broke down so he was trapped in guilt. That was where and I find that guilt is replaced out quite a lot. Another example I had a client whose hair was falling out. There was so much anxiety and illness in her body. Her hair is simply falling off to a point she needed to have a wig and getting into all sort of strife with her son who wasn’t even at his 20s If I think at that time, because she was financially supporting him, which she couldn’t really afford to do herself. He was getting aggressive when she wasn’t paying over the money. And for her, her unconscious blueprint of him was at a 6 years old and the guilt that she carried was that she hasn’t protected him from her abusive husband. And she haven’t had the resources at that time to get the heck out of there and take her son with her. So someone who was dealing with overcompensation. I mean they’re extreme examples, sometimes it simply a case of you carry around images of your children when they were babies. For example, another client having trouble giving up the family business. The father’s the head and he’s not delegating, he’s not treating his family and the adults, an equal partners or an equal say in the business. And when he read my book I’ve got an email saying, “Oh it makes sense now” because on his desk, his work desk, he’s got a family portrait when the kids were in their teens. So every time they’re sitting at his desk, making decisions about who’s gonna delegate things to and there’s the image of the teenagers when the youngest is actually 37 now.
K: Right, oh I see.
S: So if you have trouble with your parents, treating you like children, just approach through their house and get rid of all your baby photos or take them. (chuckles)
K: It’s before and I would do when I talk about your book but just before we move on to that, I’d had heard of people who with parents or approval – they’re choosing maybe unconsciously, because they think their parents will approve even in their adult life. And it could be maybe marrying the wrong person for them but their parents approve or I know this sounds a bit silly like if you talk about it this way but people actually unconsciously do it. Or like they’re in a career that they don’t like but because it’s approved by the parents you know it’s a professional job. So they kind of live their life that they think that their parents approve of and even after their parents pass away, they’re still in this role and when they look back, they’re like, “Well I never really wanted to be a blah, blah, blah but my mother did and that’s why I went into that career path.” And then you’ve realized that their mother’s being passed away you know sort of 20 years and they’re still doing that. It’s a strong I guess emotion, disapproval, maybe emotion.
S: Absolutely. I mean we all want to be loved and approved. And particularly in that imprint period between 0 and 7, when we’re like little sponges, and we just take it onboard and we don’t know that something’s gonna fall towards us or that uncle Fred was joking when he said what he said or that adult can be wrong, sometimes they’re very, very wrong. Well you take it all onboard. And so are casual comments or a label that we’re given by our parents or teachers sticks and becomes, will contract us and become part of who we think we are. And so often I find people in that situation you described, will have an unconscious blueprint of themselves either as a child or a teenager, but they’re trapped back in that and they’re continually seeking approval without realizing that it needs to come from within.
K: Right. I’d also seen people when your with them they’re who you know and then if they suddenly see their parents or when they’re in their family environment they actually change and even their tone of voice changes, the way they speak, even the way they behave. It’s like they’ve regressed. I hope you do… adult having a tantrum or something but with normal people they’re not like that. But just with them when they’re talking to their mother on the phone or whatever, they regress back into you know childhood days.
S: Yeah and the thing is you can actually have more than one unconscious blueprint.
K: Oh okay. Well this is wanted to talk to you about because getting on to your book “The Face Within: How to Change your Unconscious Blueprint.” Can you tell us a little bit about that?
S: Okay. So I wanted to share with the world my studies and my discovery of the unconscious blueprint and the impact it has on your life. But I also wanted to write it in a way that someone reading it could actually discover for themselves what their unconscious blueprint is and I put in there a process that you can actually do yourself – a technique, connect and to shift to make changes. So I’ve written it as a DIY head trash clearing kit. It’s full of techniques, exercises, quotes, case studies, basically everything you need to make shifts in your life.
K: Right, okay very interesting because I know you’re based in Brisbane and for those of you that are listening that are in Brisbane, you can see Sue and you also do some work internationally. But for those that don’t have an opportunity and want to know more we’ll put links with this interview so people can go on and find your book and connect with you that way.
S: That would be great. I actually do all of my work by phone or Skype because I find my clients are across Australia and beyond, also the quickest most efficient way because that way you don’t keep on spending hours in traffic to get there.
K: Great point to make. So for sure if you would like to be contact Sue, you can. So we’ll give you all the details on our site. Thank you so much for your time Sue.
S: My pleasure Katherine.